Becoming a Person of Influence
We all have occasions to influence others. Whether it’s a colleague at work, a family member, a student or even ourselves, there are times when we want to have a positive influence on someone’s behavior. The book Influencer, the Power to Change Anything, McGraw Hill, 2008, offers strategies that can result in changed lives.
Many of us rely on verbal persuasion to get people to change. Wouldn’t it be great if your best friend would stop smoking just because you lecture him or her on all the health dangers associated with that habit? It would be so easy if your co-workers would adopt the complex new procedure you are proposing just because your presentation was brilliant! Unfortunately, the authors say that verbal persuasion rarely works. It often comes across as an attack and can feel like nagging, manipulation or pressure. As you can imagine, that approach can cause a person to dig in their heels and become more resistant to influence.
So, what does work? When people are considering making a change they ask themselves 2 questions: “Will it be worth it?” and “Can I do it?” Here are some things you can do to help them answer those questions and make a change for the better:
Focus on Behavior
When trying to influence someone, we frequently focus on trying to change their attitude. The authors recommend instead, focusing on trying to bring about a change in key behaviors. Changed attitude, they say, follows changed behavior. How do you bring about a change in behavior?
Get Them to Try It
One of my father’s greatest strategies when introducing me to a new food was to say “Just try it.” The understanding was that, if I didn’t like it, I did not have to continue eating it! It’s amazing how many new and unusual foods he got me to try….and continue eating. That strategy won’t work for everything, but it is one approach.
Create Positive Associations
Classical conditioning creates situations where some type of benefit or reward is associated with certain behavior. If you allow a person to experience the benefits of changed behavior, that will increase the motivation to continue that behavior. What kind of benefits? Receiving the praise or appreciation of others, tangible evidence of a job well done (now that you’ve lost ten pounds, you can wear that great suit you bought last year; because of your diligence and hard work, you got a bonus), a sense of personal satisfaction & fulfillment.
Experience the Consequences
When we see someone we care about experiencing the negative consequences of harmful behavior, we want to “help” them by mitigating those consequences. We sometimes must allow a person to endure the full impact of their poor choices in order to bring about a realization of a true need for change.
Mastery
New behavior is frequently uncomfortable. We don’t know what to expect and, sometimes, we don’t know how to “do it.” When influencing someone to try new behavior provide “safe” experiences, resources, opportunities for practice, coaching, etc. that will support an individual in the process of stretching into new behavior territory.
Above all, if you have a situation in which influence is vital, don’t give up! If one strategy doesn’t work, try another. And remember to let person you are influencing (even if it is yourself) know that they are valued and respected.
