Juanita Davies & Associates » Inspiration Corner

Are You Ready to Change Your Life?

As we enter into a new year, many of us think of making a “fresh start” in certain areas of our lives, hence the popularity of New Year’s Resolutions. Research shows that it takes more than just the desire to change to make those resolutions stick! The “Stages of Change” model, described below, will help you understand the process we go through to modify our behavior. This model identifies five stages of change.

*Stage One: Pre-contemplation. People at this stage have not yet acknowledged that there is problem behavior that needs to be changed. They tend to defend (bad) habits and are not interested in any kind of help.

*Stage Two: Contemplation. Here, a person acknowledges that there is a problem but is not yet ready or sure about making a change. People at this stage are aware of the personal consequences of a bad habit or lifestyle and are more open to receiving information. In our previous article on Becoming a Person of Influence we said that people who are considering making a change they ask themselves 2 questions: “Will it be worth it?” and “Can I do it?” That’s the Contemplation Stage.

*Stage Three: Preparation. At this stage a person is determined to make a change and begins to prepare. Here people will gather information, research and ask questions, in an effort to get ready. Skipping this step is a mistake because, without the knowledge of what is required to make a major change and the commitment to do those things, a person is likely to fail.

*Stage Four: Action. When people are ready, they begin to take action to change behavior and to make positive life choices. An effort of willpower and determination is required at this stage, as there will be the temptation to relapse and go back to the old, familiar ways. Using short-term rewards, having accountability and support and looking at the benefits of the new behavior, will all help a person to successfully get through this stage.

*Stage Five: Maintenance. Once a change has been made, an individual now has to maintain the new behavior and avoid any temptations to revert back to the old ways. Helpful strategies for people at this stage are to remind themselves of the value of making the change, think back to the negative experiences and feelings associated with the old behavior, have strategies in place ahead of time to deal with the temptations to revert, keep track of progress, celebrate success and stay connected to people who are positive and who encourage the change.

*Relapse. Throughout this process, it is important to remember that change takes time and it is normal and natural to regress occasionally. When this does happen, it is important for people to not mentally beat themselves up! They need to avoid the temptation to think of this as a failure or character flaw or to think that, because of a slip, a permanent change will never happen. Again, using a support system is very helpful in this situation. Ideally, people experiencing a relapse can use this as an opportunity to figure out the slip-up happened and to think of ways to cope differently in the future.A person may have to avoid certain friends or family members or stay away from high-risk situations. These strategies will help them to control the cues that tempt them to revert to bad habits and, ultimately, provide a stronger sense of self-control and the ability to stay on track.

What about you? Do you want to make a positive change in your life? Think about this model, identify your stage of change and use some of the strategies here to continue to reach higher!

Submitted on Thursday, February 4th, 2010 at 7:41 pm

Becoming a Person of Influence

We all have occasions to influence others. Whether it’s a colleague at work, a family member, a student or even ourselves, there are times when we want to have a positive influence on someone’s behavior. The book Influencer, the Power to Change Anything, McGraw Hill, 2008, offers strategies that can result in changed lives.

Many of us rely on verbal persuasion to get people to change. Wouldn’t it be great if your best friend would stop smoking just because you lecture him or her on all the health dangers associated with that habit? It would be so easy if your co-workers would adopt the complex new procedure you are proposing just because your presentation was brilliant! Unfortunately, the authors say that verbal persuasion rarely works. It often comes across as an attack and can feel like nagging, manipulation or pressure. As you can imagine, that approach can cause a person to dig in their heels and become more resistant to influence.

So, what does work? When people are considering making a change they ask themselves 2 questions: “Will it be worth it?” and “Can I do it?” Here are some things you can do to help them answer those questions and make a change for the better:

Focus on Behavior

When trying to influence someone, we frequently focus on trying to change their attitude. The authors recommend instead, focusing on trying to bring about a change in key behaviors. Changed attitude, they say, follows changed behavior. How do you bring about a change in behavior?

Get Them to Try It

One of my father’s greatest strategies when introducing me to a new food was to say “Just try it.” The understanding was that, if I didn’t like it, I did not have to continue eating it! It’s amazing how many new and unusual foods he got me to try….and continue eating. That strategy won’t work for everything, but it is one approach.

Create Positive Associations

Classical conditioning creates situations where some type of benefit or reward is associated with certain behavior. If you allow a person to experience the benefits of changed behavior, that will increase the motivation to continue that behavior. What kind of benefits? Receiving the praise or appreciation of others, tangible evidence of a job well done (now that you’ve lost ten pounds, you can wear that great suit you bought last year; because of your diligence and hard work, you got a bonus), a sense of personal satisfaction & fulfillment.

Experience the Consequences

When we see someone we care about experiencing the negative consequences of harmful behavior, we want to “help” them by mitigating those consequences. We sometimes must allow a person to endure the full impact of their poor choices in order to bring about a realization of a true need for change.

Mastery

New behavior is frequently uncomfortable. We don’t know what to expect and, sometimes, we don’t know how to “do it.” When influencing someone to try new behavior provide “safe” experiences, resources, opportunities for practice, coaching, etc. that will support an individual in the process of stretching into new behavior territory.

Above all, if you have a situation in which influence is vital, don’t give up! If one strategy doesn’t work, try another. And remember to let person you are influencing (even if it is yourself) know that they are valued and respected.

Submitted on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009 at 9:14 am

Strategies For Achievers - Celebrate TaDa’s

I’m sure most of you have heard of a To-Do list and many of you probably keep one. One mark of an achiever is to set goals. Complex goals get broken down into action steps and action steps are tracked and measured with due dates. A daily To-Do list helps you to stay on top of the specific activities and the steps you need to take each day to stay on track. This keeps you moving toward your goals. It also can help you to recognize time wasters or those activities that require a lot of effort but bring little satisfaction.

So, we know what a “To-Do” is, now……what is a “Ta-Da”? Research shows that achievers also know how to track and measure their success by keeping a record of those things which have been accomplished……those are their Ta-Das! Not only do folks who succeed track their accomplishments, they also have learned to celebrate success!! Are those habits that you have developed? When you reach your goal, do you take a moment to savor the success? Do you ever do anything to celebrate a job well done? Many people are so busy charging on toward the next goal that they take no time to enjoy what they have already accomplished. That can be a recipe for burnout and can eventually have a negative impact on your motivation and productivity.

What can you do to celebrate your successes? It doesn’t have to be something major, just a little reward or acknowledgement that you have accomplished what you set out to do. Phone someone and share your achievement; schedule a fun activity; treat yourself to something you love. When you’ve worked hard, take the time to enjoy what you have achieved. You earned it!

If you are a manager or supervisor, do something to recognize the accomplishments of those on your team. Do you ever do anything to celebrate a significant achievement? Public acknowledgement, a certificate, or a celebratory lunch all go a long way to helping a person or team feel valued. If someone really goes out of his/her way to help you, take a moment to send a thank you note or even give a small gift to show your appreciation. (You don’t have to be a manager to initiate these activities. )

Some day, when you’re feeling overwhelmed or like you are just spinning your wheels, try making a Ta-Da list! What is that? It’s a list of all the things you have accomplished. It can be very satisfying to see that you have been putting your time to good use. And, you’ll be surprised at how a little celebration will enable you continue to Reach Higher!

Submitted on Wednesday, September 16th, 2009 at 11:51 am

Beating Burnout-The High Cost of Success

With all of the pressures of today’s economy, you can feel overwhelmed by the demands and the stress in your life and may reach the stage where you feel “burnt out”. What picture comes to mind when you hear that someone is a “burnout”? We usually think of a person who doesn’t care, can’t cope or has no motivation to do anything. But, did you know that you can burn out because you are too dedicated to a job, relationship or cause?

Burnout is defined as fatigue and frustration brought about by dedication to a job, cause, way of life, relationship, etc. that is not bringing the expected reward. When it occurs, burnout tends to permeate all areas of life - work, family, personal life. Notice the key phrase “not bringing about the expected reward.” One of the key factors contributing to burnout is that we can become so totally invested in something that we put all of our energy into that area of our lives to the exclusion of everything else! No one person, project, cause or anything else can satisfy all of the needs we have in our lives.

So, what are the keys to beating burnout? In our February newsletter, we talked about Maintaining Life Balance. That is critical. Check to make sure that your life is multi-faceted and that your vision has not narrowed to exclude relationships and activities that can refresh and revitalize you.

What does your support network look like? Do you even have one? If you have only one person you go to all the time for advice, support, mentoring, etc. you should probably think about broadening your network. Identify a variety of people with expertise and knowledge in different areas and begin to make those connections.

Take a look at how you spend your time. Is all of your time taken up with one activity? Does your work day go from five o’clock in the morning to eleven o’clock at night? Do you do anything for fun? Do you make time to be with people who love you and support you? Do you have a hobby or interest that gives you a mental break from the routine? Again, the key is balance!

Have you learned to recognize the signs that you are getting tired? Do you get cranky, snap at people, withdraw and want to be left alone, overeat, lose your mental focus and creativity? These are all signals that you need to take a break! Go for a short walk. Call a friend. Have a healthy snack. Read a magazine or take a short nap. Anything you can do to shift gears for a while will help keep burnout at bay.

You may have been surprised by your answers to some of the questions here. If you are not satisfied with your current lifestyle, the good news is that you can make a change. Today! Begin to identify those areas that are out of balance and commit to some specific action that will help you to enjoy your life. The choice is up to you!

Submitted on Friday, June 5th, 2009 at 3:17 pm

Resolutions

Having trouble making some new year’s resolutions? Or have you already abandoned those you did make? Why not try a different approach. Studies show that achievers reach their goals more often because they set “want” goals instead of “should” goals. That is, they work toward accomplishing things that are desirable for them, not just the things they have to do.

So, do you have a dream? Something that you’ve always wanted to do? Take a vacation to a special place; go back to school and get an advanced degree; learn another language; play the piano, skydive??? Your dreams may be completely different from mine, but that’s what makes life interesting.

The next thing achievers know how to do is pick a goal apart and determine very specific steps to accomplish that goal. Some of us never start doing something because it seems overwhelming. So, what is one, very specific thing you can do that will move you in the direction of your dream? Send for a brochure, make a phone call for information, register for one class. OK, now…..wh en are you going to do this? Don’t just leave it open ended. Give yourself a deadline. “I will send for this brochure tomorrow.” “I will register for that class by next week.”

Now….DO IT! Just take that first step and then you can think of the next thing, and the next and the next. If this process sounds familiar to some of you who have studied goal setting in business….it is.

Because this method works whether you are working toward something in your private life or at work. But remember, what we’re talking about here is moving you toward one of your dreams. Once you’ve used the process and find that it works, and it’s fun and satisfying, you’ll be better equipped to move toward the things you want in life. You may be closer than you think…..just Reach Higher J

Submitted on Friday, May 15th, 2009 at 12:05 pm